I am starting a series for our newsletter to include a leadership topic along with passing along news in the nursing community. I wanted to focus on the positive in nursing and leadership. Subscribe to receive notification when our newsletter comes out. We publish twice a month.
Motivation. The Oxford dictionary defines motivation as “ the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way; the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.” So I ask, “What motivates you?” I have been on a path of self-reflection and discovery. I have come to understand that we may have positive or negative influences to motivate us. When I think of my biggest motivators in my life, it is my faith, my family, and the relationships that I have with those around me. I want to be the best I can to every patient, friend, family member, and person who crosses my path. I strive to create excellence in everything I do. This can be an asset in business, but I can understand that unchecked it can be a detriment. What do I mean? Often, in our strive to be the best, it can lead to competition, jealousy, perfectionism, and desperation. If we don’t recognize where negative experiences and people have influenced our lives, we carry that into our present, hindering us from becoming our best selves.
Let’s say you have had a difficult experience as a child with a teacher. This particular teacher may have been critical of your efforts and may have demonstrated a callousness towards students that she does not like. Now, I know most teachers are wonderful, and I had some great teachers growing up. That being said, let me give you a personal example. There was one teacher when I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, who was influential on me in both a positive and negative way. Let me tell you how she influenced me negatively, and it wasn’t until years later that I realized how I internalized this experience.
There was a student that I will call Ben (not his actual name). Ben was always acting up in class, he was slower with his reading, and he often came to class in “dirty” clothes. I remember Ben seemed sad and angry a lot. As fellow students, we talked about Ben and wondered what was wrong. We wanted to help, until it became clear that the teacher did not LIKE Ben. As kids, we thought, there must be something wrong with Ben. We overheard the teachers whispering about him. The teachers labeled Ben as “bad” and he was frequently sent to the principle’s office. As kids, we then labeled Ben as “bad” and therefore, if we did not want to get in trouble like Ben, we should avoid him. I remember growing up, when my sister and I would school, we would pretend to be teachers. We would always have a Ben in the class, who we would say, “Ben, you need to sit down. Ben, sit in the corner. Ben, see the principal.” Ben always got F’s in our pretend gradebook because that is what Ben did at school. I learned early on to not be like Ben. I didn’t want to end up on the teacher’s bad side so I became the teacher’s pet. I would do extra work, be extra polite, and volunteer for activities so I could win the praise of the teacher.
Fast forward to my life as an adult. I became a people pleaser, I would hardly say no. I would do things to make others happy, even if it made me miserable. It became a habit, a routine. I would be a perfectionist. I wanted to get good grades because that turned into compliments, affirmations, monetary gain. All of these things are not wrong in and of themselves, yet when you become driven to achieve because you need that pat on the back by others, you are setting yourself up for failure. You will constantly be seeking the approval from others, when satisfaction is found within. I thought that being a “superstar” in school and at work, I was trying to be the best me, and yet, I did not realize I was really trying not to be Ben. I was concerned about judgment from others and protecting myself from criticism. I would say yes to things because I would feel guilty or I didn’t want to let anyone down. What I failed to realize, I was letting myself down. I was not focusing on my goals and the mission I was to fulfill because I was too busy pleasing others. It has kept in jobs and positions too long, where I have been taken advantage of and lead to my being overworked. It is really telling when you finally leave a position and they hire three people to do what you were doing as one person. How many of you nurses out there can relate to my story? How many times have you worked too many shifts in a row, putting your health and license at stake all because you were afraid to say no? This is what I mean by negative motivation.
When I began to surround myself with positive people and influences, those negative voices were replaced by life affirming messages. I began to understand my motivation for doing things, and in turn, I discovered one of my biggest passions, which is helping other nurses get what they want out of life. I learned the power of positive motivation. As leaders, we need to examine ourselves from time to time. Are we motivated to do something because it is in the best interest of our company and ourselves, or are we motivated by guilt, lack of clarity, or fear? Are we trying to please others to avoid criticism or conflict? I am not talking about sacrificing to serve others or the greater good. I am talking about allowing ourselves to be manipulated by others to the detriment of what we are trying to accomplish.
I decided I was not going to be motivated by the fear of not being liked any longer. I am going to be my authentic self and in turn, invite others to do the same. This gives you permission to: say “no” or “not right now”; make mistakes and learn from them; change your mind and often; and choose your “yes” to projects, activities, and events in which you would like to participate. I have changed and reframed my negative motivations to “I work hard because I want to create an atmosphere of excellence and lead by example”; “I am present, engaged, and receptive because when we support one another, we all win” and “My biggest success is being my authentic self and helping others to be authentic as well. I celebrate the differences.”
Now, I know some of you are wondering, what happened to Ben? I don’t have a clear answer for you. I met Ben years later in high school. He had dropped out. I found that that his father had been abusive growing up, on drugs, and in and out of jail. Ben said that he would be the same way. He was currently homeless and abusing drugs. Ben remembered me from school. By that time, my offer of friendship was met with skepticism. He was not receptive to intervention or an offer of help as he had been let down too many times. I think of Ben often and continue to pray for him. I hope that he had a chance to turn his life around. Maybe you are the Ben in this story. Life has kicked you hard. I will say to you, there are good people out there who care, even if it took them awhile to realize it. You don’t have to stay there with people’s labels on you. Be the best you can be. Take a step forward, then another step forward. You can change the influences around you. So Ben if you are out there, I wish you all the peace and happiness in the world.
Where have negative influences or experiences motivated you in the past? Is this helping you or holding you back? What are the positive influences in your life? Where can you cultivate more positivity in your life? Share in the comments. Let’s encourage one another.
Nursing News
This story has gone viral and many nurse influencers are talking about it on social media. A nursing home employee was caught falling asleep at work. I have seen comments that rush to judgment about this nurse. Some suggesting that she is on drugs, neglecting her residents, etc. We don’t know why this employee was sleeping standing up. Maybe she was exhausted from working too much overtime, maybe she is diabetic and is having an insulin reaction, or perhaps she has narcolepsy? We don’t know. The authorities must complete their investigation. My suggestion is that instead of villainizing this employee, she receives help so that it does not happen again. I don’t want to rush to judgment without all the facts. See link below!
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